Dear sir (Chairman),
I am writing in regards to the position vacant, the post of manager of Newcastle United. I know that this must be a tough job considering that in the past Ossie Ardiles, Kevin Keegan, Kenny Dalglish, Ruud Guillit, Grame Souness, Sir Bobby Robson, Glen Roeder and Sam Alardyce have tried and did not have a chance to see if they failed, and this is why I think I am a good candidate for the job. With me I think you will have a great manager even though my experience is in coaching youth teams here in Malaysia. I think i could fare well, considering that Newcastle lost 6-0 to Manchester United. Granted that my training is with the Brazilians and not with Geordies which I know is highly regarded by the Newcastle fans as success has overflowed at St James park with the Fairs cup (UEFA cup now) being won in....1969, the last time Newcastle tasted success.
I know that to find this date of success is becoming like an archaeological search in the pyramid walls of Egypt, but I still think that I can do a good job. I know that the fans of Newcastle are very special supporting an icon like ex-player Alan Shearer and even listening to his views which at times have been against the manager's wishes. This special quality cannot be found anywhere else in the world not at Manchester United, AC Milan, Barcelona, Real Madrid, Liverpool, Juventus, Inter Milan and many other successful clubs.
The worship of Alan Shearer cannot be seen anywhere else, and as such Newcastle United fans were rewarded with Alan Shearer retiring and not winning anything. The fans will cherish these moments, like he scoring and wheeling away with his finger pointed upwards to the sky thanking god for fans so gullable like Newcastle. He has even beein involved in the past and even at present to insitigate players revolt against managers.
This I know will be against me as I am not a geordie, I have been working at a youth development project at a football centre here in Malaysia called Brazil Football Centre, though I think this is not a great experience for a club like Newcastle, I think that this club now has tried everything; two geordie icons, one Knight who is also a geordie, a World Cup winning player who is also a qualified lawyer and a foreigner,a reggae loving man with a taste for beautiful football and bob marley, A scottish taskmaster who thinks training centres and player developments are a waste of time (Graeme Souness thinks Calirefontaine the French football academy is a waste of time and he thinks the French golden generation that won the world cup, euro championship and Confederations Cup was just a generation of players coming together at the right time, for more details refer to Beattles hit song come together), a long ball specialist, a Newcastle manager who did not want to be manager of Newcastle. In view of this I would like to submit my application for the post of Manager of Newcastle United, as I think that I not having experience in playing and managing professional football might just work to the advantage of Newcastle United..so what the hell throw the dice and take a gamble, Thank you.
Comments
In fact, good luck with the application, you just might get the call.
Since everyone else in Britain has tried it with nothing to show, why not take a calculated risk employing a skillful Asian (with great Yoga fitness knowledge) youth development coach employed in a soccer school using only the greatest known soccer techniques (BRAZIL!!!). I think it's a no-brainer for the Newcastle Team.
If you got the job and failed winning anything in your tenure, at least you would have been able to inject some well needed youth and Brazilian flair into their system. Oh yeah, and you would be no less than all the other predecessors in that role.
Good luck, mate!!
From the dark side,
Darth Ardnerus