Lionel Messi recently won the FIFA World player of the year award again (2009 and 2010) and yesterday he scored hat-trick against Atletico Madrid in a 3-0 win to further stamp his class like a 6 footer (though he is clearly not a 6 footer) stamping on a ant, yes he is done it to death with his performance that we have become numb, here is a no holds barred interview with him:
Football Shaman: Well first I like to say congratulations on your award and your superb performance day and day out did you ever think this would happen to you?
Messi: No, sometimes I feel like it is a dream and i don't want to wake up.
FS: There was something about you acting in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the rings franchise as a Hobbit is this true?
Messi: Yes and I was a bit excited, but my growth hormones kicked in and they decided to call off the casting, in any case I would prefer to act in the Star Wars french fries?
FS: French fries!!??
Messi: Yes french fries you just said french fries?
FS: No I meant franchise
Messi: Huh? You should learn your English better, McDonalds has french fries and are known to have french fries all over the world right?
FS: Yes true...but..
Messi: So...what is the problem and what is franchise?
FS: Ok french fries is what they cook and franchise is the branch of McDonalds that is all over the world?
Messi: You mean McDonalds has a a tree? They have branches in their restaurants ...I have not seen this.
FS: Mr.Messi can we get back to relevant questions please..
Messi: What is your next question...is it on football?
FS: Yes there is no way I will be talking philosophy to you or the ramifications of global warming.
They are a handful of super greats in this world.
Messi: What is a super great?
FS: Well players like Platini, laudrup, Romario, Hugo Sanchez, Zico, etc all fall into the category of greats, but super greats are like Pele, Di Stefano, Ronaldo (Brazil), Zidane, Maradona and you.
Messi: I like this, the way you put this who came up with this idea of greats and super greats?
FS: Well me actually
Messi: Nice
FS: Thank you, but my question is do you feel any pressure?
Messi: When I am with the ball I feel like it is my friend and he will never betray me, the friendship is on and off the field, but on the field I have this special relationship.
FS: WOW..really deep, but please spare me the details of your special relationship off the field with the ball.
Messi: I think this is how many South American players feel
FS: Is it true that Guradiola the Barcelona manager told you to stop eating red meat because you Argentinians were becoming stupid with all those barbecues and asked you to eat more vegetables, fruits, fish and chicken?
Mesi: (Shifts in his chair uncomfortably and clearly does not like this question) Well he did not call Argentinians stupid, but he did say that my game will improve tremendously and it did.
FS: Is it true that Argentinians are stupid because of the red meat diet?
Messi: (Is now red faced like red meat and clearly does not like this question) I am only answering you because I am a professional and you never had the chance to play professional football..
FS: Wow that hurts..but I did have a chance, but my country was mired in a bribery scandal, but at least we did not lose 4-0 (Like like you guys did to Germany) in the World Cup and have our tails in between our legs.
Messi: (Laughs) we won two World Cups and we are one of the best teams in the world..(he laughs more clearly irritating me)..look at your country you won a cup named after a motorcycle (The Suzuki Cup which is the South East Asian Cup won by Malaysia) and you make a big deal out of it..we in Argentina were joking about this.
FS: You look up to Maradona am I right?
Messi: (Suddenly changes into serious mode) yes he is like a god in Argentina to us he can do no wrong..
FS: (I laugh now) yes apart from smoking pot and not knowing how to coach and being a bad example to kids all over the world yes...he can do no wrong...and that 4-0 defeat against Germany...LOL! To handle such a talented team and get a result like that...my sister's maid from Philippines could have coached them and won the World Cup..it takes a special kind of talent to screw up with that talented team and Maradona ..yes you are right he is almost God.
Messi; It is easy for you to say...
FS: You are right I will not be a professional player and will never play like you guys..but I can tell you one thing even I am a better coach than Maradona..
At this point his agent agrees that the interview has gone too far, but Messi is not happy and he wants to continue ..but we agree to finish the interview fast after a short coffee break.
FS: Maradona and Juan Roman Riquelme had their differences and Riquelme said he will never play as long as Maradona is the manager, who do you support on this issue? What actually took place?
Messi: (Again uncomfortable) no comment
FS: (I am irritated) Okay so there are many things that you cannot answer is it true that when Argentina lost to Germany 4-0 Riquelme was so happy that he hired a private plane the next day with his friends and went deep into the jungles of Peru and smoked huasca and peyote?(medicinal leafs that can make you go high and even take you to another dimension).
Messi: (he has this shock look on this face...like how did I know that?) No comment.
At this point Messi and his agent walk away and the interview ends and the rumors about Riquelme studying to be a shaman deep in the jungles of Peru still lingers on.
This interview is purely fictional nothing is what it seems.
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